It’s Halloween! Hooray – I guess… I’m not super into Halloween, although last year I fulfilled a dream of being a heavily pregnant Kool Aid Man, so there’s that:
But I thought I’d take this day as an opportunity to do something of a PSA and talk about a super serious and important issue that’s been on my mind – how babies, specifically our cutie pies around one year, are the long lost cousins of zombies. Here’s the irrefutable evidence.
- They’re drawn to light and loud noises. Have you seen a group of one-year-olds mindlessly stop whatever they’re doing, turn a swift and wobbly 180, and flock to a shiny object or clapping noise like it’s their job? It’s eerily similar to the undead.
- They’d eat your brains without remorse. At least symbolically, and mine does this to me on the daily. Brains = useless mush. Baby 1, Me 0.
- The stiff yet unsteady undead way they walk.
- Their drool. It’s out of control.
- Their speech or lack thereof. Utter incoherence and guttural noises.
- The glazed look they get in their eyes when they’re ready for a meal and said impending meal is all their little brains can process.
- The enthusiasm with which they attack food or anything resembling a potential food product. Savagery.
- The skin under their fingernails. Outright ruthlessness.